I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
