as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
