There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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