ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
