She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
