lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
