I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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