i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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