i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
