when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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