I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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