My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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