i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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