there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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