hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
