Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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