Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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