Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you traded sex for a burrito?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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