i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
