We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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