I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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