so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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