It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
