Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's great music for shaving your balls
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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