It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
