he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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