Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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