Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
