Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
