im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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