no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
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he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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