Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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