You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize