Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize