the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the condom got lost in my hair
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You don't make any sense
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