just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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