After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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