How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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