we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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