haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
