I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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