Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's a Shit stain on my heart
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
