New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
