where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
