beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
