Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
