haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
