can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Please don't give away my fajitas
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