I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize