wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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