Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
