Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
