We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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