i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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