I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
