Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
