You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
