Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
