On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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