Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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