The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
