He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
