You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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