Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
