An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
