i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
