his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
