Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
