I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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