I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
