sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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