If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
