i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
