Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
