don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
